A Sad Sad Day For Everyone.. =(

The day started off fine actually.

Then I walked into my dusty dirty classroom...

then I felt disgusted.. (happens every morning though)

After that I realised I didn't finish my homework's'.. like I don't everyday

And I realised how much work I have to do...

I was like, shit, ... what the hell.

Yeah.. well, things that don't usually get to me did. Today.

And who knows why...

After, that, Serene was also mad for a particular reason.

And Jia Qian was quiet... is she mad? Sad? Emo? I don't know... Jeezz..

No one like, tells me things anymore. At least, the things I want to know.

And of course.. Zhi En's mad too. Not that anybody needs to care about that.

Really. Mind your own business.

And I am too.

I mean, I wasn't.

Then everyone was mad..

The atmosphere was so effin' heavy

And I started to get into that too... I can't help it! I'm with them all day!!

And for some seriously odd reason,

Even though it was cloudy later in the day, I felt hot.

Like.. not from the air hot I guess...

It was coming from me. My clothes (?) My body temperature(?)

And I started to get really mad... Yes, REALLY mad.

ARGHHH...!!!!

Can you believe that the only person who didn't get mad was christine??!!!

AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

I'm so freaking mad!

I'm mad at people

I'm mad at me!

I'm mad at myself for not being able to choose..

To make the right choice!

.... There's two choices.. one's the one that I obviously love

and the other; not very much...

But there is a valid reason for me to not be able to choose the one I love

and i hate that..

I hate it..

Gosh.. somebody...

please..

help me..

before I go insane!!!!!!!!

Lost in between,

Paradise

and nightmare

If staying in the nightmare

makes people I love happy,

Which should I choose?

Why Does That One Person Feel So Significant?

Yup that's right.

I don't know if its love or anything like that..

But that one person just feels so different.. So.. special.

If you know me better, I guess you'll know that my life are filled with annoying people I call 'friends' or family'.

They annoy me every single day.. probably at the least, every half an hour =.=

Yes, I know. I'm a hot-tempered and sensitive person.

That's what puberty can do to you xD

Well yeah.. They annoy me to no end.

And I put up with them... also, to no end.

But almost for a year now, there's this person I realised...

That never ever got on my nerves.

This person was introduced to me as a .. what, someone with common interest?

Of course, this person did annoy me quite some times..

But it wasn't the person's fault at all..

I guess its what you call jealousy.

When someone takes he/she away from you and you feel SO mad!

So so mad...

Yes. Yup. yeah. that's why I was annoyed .. only once.

I tried to get over that person.. but I can't.

Sometimes I even try my best to get mad at that person.. and I just can't!

One time I'm supposedly mad at that person, the next thing I know, that person will come to me, smile, talk..

..and I'll feel like I'm guilty.. Ugh.

So.. back to the question.

Why does that one person feel so significant?

It doesn't make sense... Everybody is supposed to be the same!

or.. are they?

Gosh, I'm so messed up.. Everything single thing about me is messed up.

And if you don't want to end up getting entangled with this mess,

I suggest you keep your distance.

For your own sake =)

Only a specific key can open

a specific treasure box,

Only love will be able to

unlock my shut heart.

Love~ Rachel.

How Balanced Things Really Are

I bet when you look out your window, you tend to think..

Think about things that you regret.. or you're happy of.

But you know what? Most of the times when you do that,

you'll end up feeling sad.. why, I wonder?

Well, I actually know the answer xD

But well.... like me, I tend to overreact at the little things..

and I know the rest of us do too.

Because we're only human.

We can't help it.. we're not perfect.

Why does despair feel so one-sided compared to happiness all the time?

Why do you find yourself being emotionless more than when you're smiling?

Why do find that you feel so alone when you have so many people with you?

Why won't you believe in yourself and move on instead of trapping yourself in that tiny box?

There's this one simple answer to all of those questions:

Its because we are thinking negatively...

Think about it: If you think more about the moments when you're happy,

they too, can easily overpower the times when you're sad.

Like your birthday when people give you presents.. and all the love you received. From your mum, dad, friends, and God.

Right? Or when you were sad.. and someone who didn't understand at all tried her best to cheer you up?

.. Life isn't all that bad.

Although, I can hardly believe that myself because I think negatively as well.

I'm a teen.. =.=" What do you expect? xP

But it is, I know it.. I just need to change.. and all this time,

I realised that.. I've never been able to... not yet..

Your tears will be my tears,

your laughter will be my laughter,

your happiness will be my happiness,

Your sorrow will be my sorrow.

Ooh~ Honey Melody

Today is kind of a fun day.. if I think about it positively that is xD
Lets see.... I started the day off with my mum in a good mood =) which doesn't happen very often
and I went to school, had devotion, and got appointed as the new monitor just cause I said 'what does a monitor do anyway'?
And yes, Sonia, you got sacked. That's not my fault.. But I bet you're happy about that, right?

Then Mr.Andrew comes in at a later time for English class.
Although something happened. He must've knocked his head on the wall or something. ==
I mean, English class suddenly felt like Bible Knowledge class.
He talked to us about astrology, witchcraft and magic (which defies stuff to do with God.. or something)
and he left.

Then we had fried rice and nuggets today!! .. oh so great.. xD
I got scared of the thing Mr.Andrew talked about.. Yeah, haha, laugh all you want but its true.

Then closing in to the end of school, we had maths.. AND science right after each other! That was like.. urgh..
I had brainstorm or something.
I couldn't exactly think straight for a while there... O.O"
And I got a little dizzy.. hehe..

Well, STILL!!!! It was a good day.
I can't wait for Entrepeneur's Day!! It'll be so fun! (I hope)

Oh by the way, I had this crazy song playing in my head for the whole day...
A sweet calming melody of some sort.. it kinda made me feel better than cuz.. well, I was a bit sad because...

My mum says if I don't get good grades the next time around, I might...-gulp-
Have to change schools...

Getting a little too hyped up at your presence,
Getting a little too depressed at your absence,
Wanting just to hold you right in my arms
Now and forever.

What nonsense... I just noticed what it means

If you look from our side's perspective you will notice what it really means when the people who are crying all alone are the human people.

The ones who have common sense are always laughing at us..

They don't understand.

They think they are always right..

But they have no idea that we think their just being idiots who think they have common sense.. get it?

And also, we as humans, have dreams.

Its what we continue living for.

If we didn't have dreams, we can die..

without feeling sad or regret that we did not accomplish anything.

Most of us living here on this planet called Earth have dreams that we can't reach

well.. I think all of us do

but that, in turn, is a dream in itself,

since it is the sole hope we keep on living

There's a door waiting for you there

Its up to us; to accept ourselves for who we are, I live in denial

But still, I give my thanks that I'm able to live happily with dreams

In this ugly and dirty world

Thank you~

An individual lost without companions,

A lost black sheep abandoned,

A speck of light in the outstandingly

enormous darkness,

What can save them?

Salt or Sugar?

STOP.

Just stop. For this moment. Think.

Think about this whole year.. (yes, from January)

What happened that scarred you. What happened that filled your heart with joy.

Things you know you will never be able to forget.

Are you happier than sad? Are sadder than happy?

Because if you are either of them.. well.. you're human XP

If you think 'bah, I'm fiinnee..." well, then you're obviously not because no one's bah i'm fiinnee...

No one's life is a bed of roses.

Let's face it, nobody's perfect.

Not you, and definitely not me.

I can't say I'm exactly content with the way my life is going right now.

But that doesn't mean I hate my life.

I just want more happy moments, more than depressing ones.

Heck, everyone wants that.

All I want now.. is a change in me.

From this stupid, take-for-granted and undeniably depressing rough salt

To a bright, cheerful and undeniably strong fine sugar.

Destroying the order,

Dusting the gold,

Thieving treasures,

all for the sake of the needy,

is that good or bad?

Salt or sugar?

Dreaming of An Unreasonable Hope

Yeah, well, I had a dream.. AGAIN. Last night.

I dreamt of everything I ever wanted.

Perfect friends, family, life, fortune, fame, happiness and of course, flawless beauty. Anything any other teen girl would wish for.

I appreciated everything in that dream. I was always either smiling or laughing. I was happy.

By the way, I also had a perfect boyfriend. Smart, tall, handsome, athletic, kind, positive-thinking, sweet and romantic.

And in my dream, I was even happy while sleeping.. with a smile on my face.

When I woke up in the morning, I found it weird, laughable and crazy.

Because I knew something like that is impossible. Not only for me, for everyone else too.

A complete and perfect life full with smiles and devoid of grief. Who has that? Nobody.

And it dawdled on me. That happiness pushed me down. Immediately, I felt like a big rock just fell on my back.

As if, my hopes were all suddenly crushed.

The truth is:

I'm afraid of my mum at times which I did not at all in the dream.

I get annoyed and mad too frequently.

I have loads of problems both personality and academics wise. Which was the total opposite in the dream.

I'm hot-tempered, sensitive, not-so-pretty.. average I guess, lazy and an asshole.

I don't have a boyfriend with all the best qualities in the world.

I cry and break down at the littlest of things.

I can't face my fears.

I cling on to people so badly hoping that they would love me in return for my love for them,

but they just swing me off, throwing me into a dark corner again and again

until I've forgotten how it feels like to really love and smile for somebody.

That is all the truth about me that I will never be able confess with words.

Because, like I said, I can't face my fears.. I'm afraid I'll hurt myself even more.

I'm a coward.

I don't really have anyone to love truthfully.

I don't even know if I'm overlooking some things.

But I'm too afraid to look back and check... to know that if I did overlook, I lost something important which I'll never be able to retrieve again.

All I'm doing now is to live through the days..

In the best effort I can.

Through this cowardice and problems weighing down on me.

Waiting for that one person who'll magically step into my darkness and pull me out of there.

To see the light and to know how it is to smile for a loved one again.

Distancing myself from heartache,

Running from possible danger,

Reaching out only to pull back again,

Cowardice.

The real me.

"HopesxDreams"... Hopes are written all over, where are the Dreams?!

Lol! I've kind of just realised that.. = =

uhm, sorry? xD

I wish I could turn back time and start from a scratch again, but..

that's impossible isn't it?!

xD ~~!

Okay, well.. today marks my first post for my Dreams!!

I had a dream last night. Actually, two dreams!

I'm the kind of person who has two-in-one dream so.. yeah!!

=)

Feel free to go ahead and read about my nonsensical dream!

But if you're not in the mood, then.. why don't you just think of me instead?! xD

(Well, you already are anyway)

=3

Dream 1:(You're thinking why I can remember each and every part of my dream?? Its cuz I randomly add some other parts that I DON'T remember! Hahahaha!)

Starring: Joseph (my cousin)

Rachel (me!)

Daddy (my dad!)

On a sunny Sunday, Rachel, Daddy and Joseph were avoiding the heat by walking around in a mall...

Rachel: Lucky you're free la papa!

Joseph: Hm... yeah. (he's wondering why he's there xD)

Daddy: Aiyah.. no problem la.

(Suddenly many walls appear in front of us with doors)

(We turn the knob to the first door in front of us)

Rachel: Weh.. why cannot turn wan??

Joseph: Hah! Butterfingers!! (turns the knob) ..... Spoil already la.

Rachel: See?!

(Daddy tries but fails also and the three of us sit on the ground with our backs on the wall)

Joseph: Boring la...

Rachel: Haiz... You good la. Got girlfriend already... -pouts-

Joseph: Who? Me?

Rachel: Who else?!

Joseph: Sigh... what you expect? Pro mah!

Rachel: Hmph. My ass...

Daddy: Eh, don't talk like that la...

Joseph: She talks just like me! -laughs- we really are cousins aren't we?

Rachel: ... whatever. i don't feel like I want to be related to you anyway.

Joseph: -gawks-

Dream 2: (it suddenly switched!! xD don't ask ME why!)

Starring: Rachel (me!)

Cherie (my panda-ish friend)

Serene (my closey-lacey friend!)

Zhi En (my precious friend/ neko-chan!)

Phang (St.John friend)

It was during St.John Cadet Leadership Development Seminar (Camp time!) Rachel doesn't like it.. she hates the fact that she can't seem to get any praises or badges at all!!

Rachel: What is this....???

Zhi En: What, 'what is this??'?

Rachel:-glares at Zhi En- Cherie can get her badges why i cannot?! Its not fair!! -folds her arms in frustation-

(Don't ask me how Cherie got into St.John... xD)

Cherie: -appears out of nowhere- What, what? Are you talking about me? Did I hear my name?

Rachel: Well, I--

(Phang appears out of nowhere also)

Phang: I have the survival badge, the cadet training badge, the athletic badge.. blah blah blah

Rachel: Ya la.. you very smart and great la.. the whole world is praising you~

Phang: Pssh.. what are you saying? Are you ... jealous..?

Rachel: yeah right.

Serene: -appears out of nowhere- eh~ got ice cream! Who wants!

Phang: ME!

Zhi En: You know what....

And it ends there! =.=" I know right??!! Its like.. ARGH! Its frustating just thinking about it!

Anyway, thanks for viewing my random and stupid post. = =

Good day~ =)

When one feels empty and lonely,

who else will there be?

The only person in your heart~

The bright shining star.

--Rachel Tan

Designed for Real!

Damn it! Its not a fake... sheesh. How many times do I have to say this to make you understand??

Its. An. ORIGINAL.

ME!

I'M original... you treat me like crap.

ARGH!!! I feel like smashing you up.. no offense dude.

Hey, I love you buddy but.. this is not gonna work out right

If you know what I mean.