C.R.I.T.I.C.A.L

Dawn.. the soothing rays of light hit my face.. When that happened, I realised.. what you did, and what I was doing. I hate it. I hate both of them. I hated everything..

I just wanted all of this to end. I wished that all that have happened was just a dream.. a fairy tale. A horrible one. My definition for this tragic was the critical point in puberty. I guess.. I mean, its been only two days since the last time we fought, and now..? Here it comes again.

I.. I don't know what to say. I love you.. I liked you. I never betrayed you.. not on purpose even if I did. So why is it that you deny my loyalty? Do you despise me? Do you want me to perish? Is that.. it?

I've met a new friend today. She's 10 this year. 4 years younger than I am. When I was with her, I felt so relieved.. so happy, so regretful ,too, at the same time. I see now.. how children feel. They say things that they think without a second thought. Which enables them to just let it all out. And also enables them to be stress-free.

But people like me.. like US. We can't bare the thought of letting it all out in case the consequence of hurting someone else' feelings might happen.. We can't. And in the end, it all piles up. Work.. arguments, self struggle, hatred, LOVE.. And then, we won't know what to do anymore. We'll feel lost in ourselves. Always looking back.. regretting.

I want us to be together.. I really do. But if we do, you'll always hate me. I don't what that to happen. No matter how much I inject these phrases to you, you'd never understand. You're so freaking stupid!! And so am I.. we're all stupid. I'm stupid for not being able to tell you straight-forwardly.. You're stupid for not understanding after all the repeats.. And all of us are stupid for not being able to let it all out.

Since this is messing us up so much, and since you hate me so much now, let's just break this ok? I'm asking politely now... Let's break up. I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore, I don't want to despise you any more than I do. Because.. I love you. And this has cause me and you to hurt so badly.. Quit being CRITICAL.. that's my message for you .. today and forever.

Love is when you hate,

Hate is when you love..

Its an equal,

If you don't believe that,

then start believing.