Dreamer..

Every single time I close my eyes, I dream.. In a dream, grief, doubt and despair might never exist if I don't want it to. Because it is MY world. I'm the creator.. the genesis.

But I don't dream because I want to. It just comes naturally.. so naturally that sometimes I'm not able to control it. It scares me when something happens that I wouldn't ever want to, even if it is just a dream. It makes me feel like it will come true one day.

I want to love the nights that I have happy dreams that is filled with content of happiness and love, like being in a wonderland. I don't want to remember the nights I cried because of fear and anguish.. depression and doubt.

I once dreamt of you leaving me all alone.. to fend for myself. It was so scary. I did not ever want to end up like that. But it did happen.. and now I don't know what to do anymore. I want to tell you things locked up in my heart.. things that I wouldn't ever be brave enough to tell. But I'm afraid I'll hurt you, your feelings, and your pride.

I had also once dreamt of a place where many of my loved ones were there always welcoming me wherever I go, I loved that so much. I felt like I belonged there.. at the place where warm hearts and love lingers even in the air itself. I wanted never to wake up and find out it was just fake, a dream. but, of course, that's impossible.

Reality is a competition, a battlefield. I hated every morning.. especially the times when I find myself awake in my bed and realize that the vision I had in my head was all just a dream..

I wonder.. I wonder when you will realize that the wishing star and ragnarok is so close.. but.. maybe that's why we're human. We're blind to chaos beyond our comprehension..

Always trying,

always failing,

to stand up again,

to fall right on the face with stain.