Eye Atmosphere and Expression.. Unwanted Individual

Your eye..

That's right.

Your eye is a window.

Reflecting whatever that is hidden behind that fragile beautiful thing.

You might pretend to be sad when you're happy

or happy when you're sad.

But you give everything away

once that someone you're pretending to

looks right into your eye.

Or maybe its just me.

Because I can feel the truth beyond the lies.

Through your eyes.

Its not difficult.

I'm not lying.

I really can.

If I can't, then boy, are you good...

Okay, whole different topic from here on out

Is it just my nature to not mix in with people?

Is it just normal that people don't like me too much because of... me?

Am I fated to be cast out to the un-popular side forever?

Because, the way I look at it..

Its always been this way

My heart aches..

When I think about the people who stand out

They look at me as though I don't belong

They talk about me as if I don't need to be there

They don't listen appropriately to a thing I say

They don't care about my opinion

They call me 'nerd', 'freak', 'sucker'...

So I have a friend that mixes in with that group.

Its not that I don't want her to be there..

Its just that I'm afraid of losing her

Afraid of losing her to those.. people

And even when I try to convince myself that its okay most of the time,

it works..!

But then, when it doesn't.. thats when my heart breaks.

And all my self-confidence and self-esteem just runs down the drain..

..yeah, just like that.

Then when I look myself in the mirror,

its like I'm the ugliest person in the whole world.

I try to be happy with the friends I have right now,

but my hard work gets crushed every time I hear someone say something..

For example just about one week ago:

" Yer... that girl ah? What's her name ah? Why her?? Can't it be somebody else.."

or, just yesterday:

"You still staying in Arif?? Oh my gosh, shit!"

How would you feel if you've always been said about like that ever since you're 7?

Or maybe even 5?

I've been living like that for 7-9 years now..

am I that ugly?

am I that unapproachable?

am I that..unwanted?

FYI, that's why I'm so clingy to my friends.

They are the only one who'll accept me for who I am..

But some of my friends feel the same way those people do..

and I feel crushed now.

I don't think.. I can go on with this anymore..

Especially not with Serene not around...

I'm dead meat..

I should've just flunked my examinations

Be a bad student..

And get out of Arif..

Congrats 'popular' people,

you finally managed to destroy me.

I'm crushed and heartbroken.

Congratulations.

I love you for who are,

but do you love me for who I am?

Your smile and laugh is the best thing

I could ever have.

But I'm not sure.. if we can stay the way we are now.