I Love You.. But Does That Even Mean Anything To You?

I was all alone at first.

My friends drifted from me and I had no one but myself.

I entered a foreign place.

I knew nothing. No one.

But then, I came to know so many things and so many people.

I knew good things.. good people.. bad things.. bad people..

I hated some but I loved the rest.

You have no idea how much I love you... Every single part of you.

Your tears I cherish. Your wishes I try to fulfill.

Your outburst is my sanctuary. Your anger is my worry.

Your smile is my Sun.

Your laughter is my happiness..

Your worry for me is like a dream come true.

Your EVERYTHING is everything to me.

I love you.. and I don't know how to convey this.

I know you'll never understand through words only.

The extend of this love.

You might find it disgusting, but I know you never will.

Because you're not like that.

You can be a murderer for all I care.

It doesn't give me a damn.

I'll still love you.

But...

It really hurts when I see you this way..

SO shattered. SO hurt. SO disturbed and depressed.. maybe even frustrated.

So much that I can't help.. I am not allowed to.

That I can't do anything to help.

I feel so powerless, so weak!

Every single damned thing from my past is haunting me once again..

And, no~~ its NOT your fault.

I just miss the happiness I used to feel..

I've forgotten what it feels like to truly be happy.

I want to feel that again.

I want to love you

But I'm hurting myself

I want to forget you, but I can't!

I can't just shut love out like that.. Its impossible

I'm so freaking darn stupid!

I don't know who to ask help from.

I don't know who to talk to

I don't know how you feel..

And I'm starting to lose my feelings too..

I love you. Maybe too much.

.. And now. I'm lost. Lost in myself.