Impossibilities Are Denied Through Faith

"It is impossible"

When Your Heart Takes Control

Sometimes...

you realize ur heart wants something

and really, you yourself just want the other.

I know I'm supposed to control my own heart. Its my responsibility.

But at that moment, I just couldn't control it.

I lost it.

When JEALOUSY, ANGER and DEPRESSION is allowed to worm its way into ur heart, then you won't have control.

And that's when..

you get hurt. You reveal yourself to harm and pain.

And trust me, it hurts real bad.

I knew it was gonna come 1 day.

And I didn't do anything to stop it.

I hope you understand..

I was just jealous that you were getting all the attention.

Jealous jealous jealous.

I hate you ENVY. yes i hate u a lot.

You ruined my primary school life,

and you're not gonna ruin it again.

I'm sorry sherrie

I luv you.

HopesxDreams Debut Part I

Feeble attempts to fight for my rights.

Feeble attempts to gain something I knew I could never have.

It was like falling while thinking you were flying.

It's crazy I know.

But welcome to my life.

My life of lies and yet some truth hidden somewhere.

Like a lost lamb finding its way back home.

~~

Perhaps I just didn't know any better.

I was just a naive little kid.

With pathetic and weird dreams and all that.

But before I knew it, six years went by in a flash.

And so did all my dreams.. and hopes..

--

I shut my locker the very touch of dust threatening my nose.

I rubbed my nose and the itchiness eased.

My glasses twisted slightly and I flinched when I heard a loud BANG from behind me.

I turned around to sneak a peek.

The guys from the other class were doing some kind of... stunt I guess?

I hurried into my class afraid to get involved in whatever they were doing.

I relaxed as I felt the safety of being in my seat wash away my fear.

I took a book from the floor beneath me.

It read "Holy Bible"

'.... Christianity?' I thought.

The bell rang alarmingly loud and students began to pour into the classroom finding their own comfy seats.

Seconds later, our homeroom teacher entered the classroom.

After introductory time and a little lessons, we all left the classroom for breakfast.

--

I found myself wondering if I really belonged here.

The students pretty much knew each other already.

Some were from the elementary school just next to ours.

Some were from some other schools that transferred here and they already have friends.

I, on the other hand, was just... alone.

I wanted a friend, someone I could dedicate myself to.

But no one ever came to me.

I felt my heart sink to the very bottom.

My heart ached for the first time in this school.

And it was only my first day.

Thirteen. TEEN.

Is this.. how it feels like?

Just Sitting and Stopping To Think

Yeah with all the buzz going on,

sometimes I can't think... at all.

Sure I live and sure I breath and go on with my daily routine.

But.. I guess you can say I can't be ME anymore

Life's so strange... right?

I'm not saying its bad.

Its really great!!

But.. when I get so tired I just kinda well...

slip and fall somewhere along the way.

And when my fun ends,

I panic and realise that reality's still here.

And that's when I stop and think..

Who am I?

What have I been thinking?

What have I did?

What if I did something really wrong..

..and I didn't know?

.....

And ...

I know its not my place to say this but..

some people are really just blind.

They can't see the obvious truth..

Sometimes I feel like giving up.

But I can't...

because...

I musn't.

Tribute To My Friends

Who in the world ever said life was going to be easy?

No one.

Who ever told you your dreams are gonna come true by just having fun?

No one.

Who ever said I don't care about you?

NO ONE. (if there is, that's fake)

I know a terrifyingly huge amount of people who are so emotionally broken.

Or unstable. Whatever you call it.

They are afraid.. in the dark.

They want to shout and scream and just pour out their hearts to someone they know who cares and will help them and fulfill their promises in whatever way they can... (breathes)

but..

they don't have that one person.

And they're afraid that if they ever do pour their hearts out,

that person will back stab them.. betray them.

Christ, what has this world become?

I know you and I can name you even though you don't tell me any thing at all:

Zhi En, Kher Yuee, Christine, Megan, Serene, Krystal, Cherie.... (yes a lot more)

You have no idea

how valuable this life of ours is

you really don't..

I so wish I could show you

right now .. how special even breathing is.

You were given life

not to just live it and die.

You were given life

to change it and transform it to a DREAM land.

If you gave any damn to the Bible at all,

you will know.. why God created us.

And if you don't give a shit about God,

Then listen to me now.. cause this.. you have to know

I know you think I'm a f**cker.

I'm just crapping here right now talking bout some junk I'll forget in a day or two.

But that's wrong.

Believe it guys.

you gotta start BELIEVING.

Believing means to have hope.

Without hope, there is no light,

without light there's only darkness..

with just darkness u can't see a thing.

And u fall deeper and deeper ... (ok u get what I mean)

So think.

Think right now.

I know its holiday and u don't want to think but pls do

Do you think for the rest of your life you're gonna be like this?

Bitching and crying and locking up all your emotions in that tiny fragile heart of yours until your last breath?

No!

So why are you making yourself suffer?

You're gonna have to face it someday.

The sooner the better.

You feel less hurt (are you keeping up with me?)

You HAVE to pour out your heart if u have to.

If you want to scream, SCREAM!

If you want to find a good friend, then BE a good friend!

If you have a problem then fix it!

These problems are just something temporary

they ain't gonna last long.

So do something.

Don't just stand there

I'm always here.

I'm not some vain Miss Popular or a bitchy bitch

I don't tell secrets to somebody else

Heck..

I never did and I never will

Because I love you guys.

I accept your faults and flaws and most of all I accept you

you have no idea how much I care

how I can cry right now..

because I care and it hurts me to see you so sad.

I'm not bull shitting I'm not.

Please.. Listen to me. Try.

You have to keep trying

Don't give up.

I'm here to lend a hand.

Whenever possible.

With all regards...

Happy Holidays...

Have fun and I love u guys.

ciao~

--Rachox_Rachel_YourForeverFriend

Like a Dream

Yay its holiday time..
I'm at my cousin's place
Playing and eating and sleeping like there is no other care in the world.
XD sounds fun? eh? and i can sleep and wake up anytime and anywhere i want

I can eat anything I want
no one's there to nag me
to tell me what to do ^^

But..
this doesn't last forever right?
Its sad
One week only
when i get back
I have tons of exams.. and projects to hand up

Life isnt fair
Sometimes its a dream and when it ends,
you find it so short
like it never even happened.

As for friends,
they can always smile and laugh with you. Yeah..
but you never know when they back stab you
Curse you.. and everything

I'm sad..
I feel like all my friends are drifting away from me
and i got one question:
am i too quiet? am I too emo?
please reply..
someone.. im insecure.. so freakin insecure..
I need replies and comments.. please..

Faster and Faster..

Yeah ^^
So .. I'm sitting here.. right in front of my computer
and I'm tapping on the keyboard.
When I can do so many other things this second
Its crazy right?
When you think about it..
there's actually so many other things u can do other than the thing you're doing at that moment.

And you wonder.. are you wasting your time?

Cause time is ticking...
faster than you know it to be.
the next thing you know, maybe 10 second's already passed.
Isn't that just hilarious?

So what are you gonna do..
in this short life?
Are you gonna lose it all because its that short?
Or are you gonna strive to make this life and world a better place to be?

No One Else But You

You always say you're alone

You always cry at night in your room

You ALWAYS think life is but a bore, is of nothingness..

But you're wrong

Why?

Why do you keep reminding yourself that?

How life turns out to be is a choice.

It doesn't have to be a bore.

It doesn't have to be nothing at all.

Open your eyes.

Look beyond only the difficulties and problems.

You'll see a whole different world.

Your life is all about you. Yes, its your choice.

Why die when you can live a great and awesome life?

I don't get you

Or is being and thinking emo the fad lately? The trend?

Gawd.. do you want to be HAPPY or to go with the trend?

If you won't listen to me..

Then just remember this:

You're not alone.

You ain't different from everybody else.

You're not the only person in this whole wide world thinking the way you do.

And trust me..

there ARE a lot of people who can help you.

You just don't see it.

To all my friends: Happy Independance Day ^^

x0x0

--Rachox

Is It Worth It At All?

Why are we all so.. stupid?

Yes. Stupid.

Is it even worth your tears just for one.. single.. temporary.. problem?

Is it worth crying and staying up all night sacrificing your precious sleep

for one in a million person you think is right for you?

Is it worth it.. at all?

Why do you get so depressed when you have a choice:

a choice to be positive, stand up for your rights,

and make the right decisions?

Why do you have to ball yourself up at the corner,

to weep.. cry.. sulk.. reflect on the past?

Why not forget it?

Move on?

LIVE. and learn to love?

I don't understand..

I'm not saying I'm like that too..

I'm saying I can't do it either..

If there is somebody like I stated there above,

man.

thats really awesome..

I get mad at the one and only friend who understand me now

Whats up with that?

Why can't I move on from my past?

Why am I... STUCK there?

Is there something wrong denying my access?

Or is it just me?

Do I need more... encouragement?

Where from? From whom? When? And how..

--Rachox

Angel My Baby ^^

Isn't she just SO cute..??!

Yes. its a SHE =.=

I know u thinking bout that.. lol

Me ^^ (Do you know which one I am??)

Last year, Kher Yuee's bro's birthday~

It was fun~ but sadly, I didn't know anybody there =(

I'll luv u forever~

no matter ur flaws and everything..

ur still my friend.

That's how much I cherish you =)

Love, rachel

This Is Okay?

We were together what seemed like only days ago

Then like a rainstorm..

Everything fell apart.

I really don't know what happened.

But I know when and where I belong someplace.

I trust my instinct.

And I just know this is not where I belong.

So isn't it just natural to leave?

But don't worry.. its not like I hate y'all or anything

I'm complicated I know.

I love you ^^

May the good God bless you~

WHY??!

Why is it that no matter what I do..

I cant be equal.. or not even close to my dreams..

why do I always have to let them go in the end?

Why can't I embrace them?

Why am I always forced to give them up..?

You told me " Try if you cant"

And I tried and tried and tried.. but alas, I couldn't..

Yes I knew nothing was impossible but at the same time..

Different people have different abilities and specialties and disabilities..

and in my case, that was.. well a max disability for me.

In other words, it was IMPOSSIBLE.

OKAY ANOTHER THING HERE ON OUT

Why am I always not included..?

Why is it that ugh.. Im always excluded?

Am I that.. hated? Unwanted?

No matter where I am..

whether in school groups or charity groups or even.. virtual groups..

I'm always ALWAYS excluded..

F*** it.

Why...

To virtual friends: (sherrie ur not the one)

You guys are big jerks.

What the f*** did I do to make u ignore me?

Am I not good enough? ( higher lvl izzit?)

Is that it??

You Know How Rude It Is When..

..when ur EFFIN' askin a question and no one friggin replies??!!

when u want to be happy but people drag you doowwnn??!

when you think it would be the best day ever and it juz crumbles at the end??!

at the freakin last minute??!!

its like almost finishing a 1000000 pieces of puzzle..

and u lost the LAST piece!

ARGGGHH!!

im soo mad!!!

sad

irritated

tired

lonely

EVERYTHING!!

GAWD!!

SHIT!

..... i need.. some true.. love..

yes we are living in a world ruled by money.

which means at the same time..

we're living in a world which lacks of love..

pure love..

i need that..

God.. same me from myself..

i'm begging you..

Realized What I Didn't Realize

Searching for lost souls in September,

when I look up the sky seems to stretch out forever,

and I know that even if I sit here to November or December,

nothing will change if I don't look better.

If a friend is what you need,

so be it.

If sunshine is what you're needing,

then start smiling.

If you don't start,

it will never end..

neither will it ever begin.

You need to try through thick and thin,

To matter how it hard it may seem,

it deems its worth.

Everyone goes through heartbreak,

no one will ever really stay permanently happy

everyone sins,

no one lives a life without lying

I stood up a thousand questions in my head,

as the rainbow in the sky disappeared

I heard souls saying goodbye..

And .. I knew the truth..

I.. I was wrong.

I cried silent tears of joy in the wake of sunrise.

I looked at the horizon..

The peace and serenity of it all.. intrigued me.

One Thing

There's one thing everyone needs in life.

And that's love.

Not lust. Not money. Not sexual satisfaction.

LOVE.

Yes people often get tempted.

I do too.. I'm not afraid to admit it.

But sometimes you just know that you have one thing right there

Hidden under all those lies, burden, stress..

the longing...

to truly LOVE.

I'm scared..

I'm really really scared.

I want to love ..

but I don't want to break hearts,

I don't want to break my own heart either.

Yes I'm a coward.

.. Yes, I'm a hypocrite.

But above all..

I'm weak.

Ever since the beginning,

I was unable to choose between choices..

even when one choice seems most beneficial among others..

I won't listen to my heart..

I'm sorry..

But I'm scared.

And there's no shoulder there for me to cry on.

There's nobody I can fully trust to keep my secrets..

there's no one who BOTHERS...

I'm tired.. afraid... sad.. very very SCARED.. heartbroken..

lonely.. depressed, disappointed, mad.. everything..

I'm trying to put on a smile..

to be "Rachox"

but guys..

The truth is : I'M SCARED

A Short Story

I was new to this world, I had no one by my side to help me.
I fought on my own.. facing obstacles and challenges I knew I could never beat.
With people who claimed to be my comrades,
I kept walking down that road.. the road to destruction.

I knew for sure one day I would trip and fall.
And I would be trampled on..
not dead but forever hurt.

Then you came into my life.
Gave me support and love.
Gave me what I needed to move on despite the obstacles
I was truly blessed.

I turned away from the darkness that burdened me
I turned away from the fate I'd thought was fatal
Then I saw something I never knew before.

My comrades had betrayed me.
The darkness blinded me and now I could see..
the painful truth.

Then I prayed.
I prayed that my heart would heal.
I prayed that I would be okay..

Just like a miracle,
I felt a soft brush of air rush against my face
It was a presence so great that I had never felt before.
It was Jesus.

I cried.. I didn't know why.
I knelt down amazed at His presence just from one prayer
And he told me "Believe"

I acknowledged His words.
I did what He told me to.

And a few days later,
I found out secrets I never knew before
Secrets that I kept myself from knowing

Then I knew the truth of the truth
And the man I thought betrayed me..
was actually really the opposite.

I felt love for the first time and also my last.
We became eternally bonded.
And I prayed everyday just to hear Your whisper again.

--Written by Rachel

Choice in Colors

The Saddest Thing

by Angell

Looking up Seeing hate Who's slowly becoming life's mate People talking about the lost lives About the disturbed hearts and sickened minds So many innocent lives buried So many hopes and dreams shattered So many sleepless nights from now until forever By the casket tears fall Losing friend after friend Time after time It's getting old We lost the faith and hope of the world We lost love and replaced it with violence and harsh words Wishing danger wasn't in the day Wishing people would simply walk away News keep on coming out Another got shot Another committed suicide We'll never see what's going on Until the days end and everyone is gone This is what I call over-reacting O.o" I mean, come on.. Life isn't all about depression and crying and suicide and all that Life isn't short or torturing or filled with a terrible destiny (death) or whatever As long as you believe, there is no such thing as permanent death, life won't be short, it will be pleasing and great Life is full of COLORS. You have a choice. Its what God himself bestowed us.

Life's Choices

by Rose

Life is full of choices Make sure you pick the right one Don't listen to the voices Hear only yours and you have won Many people will tell you You need to change your looks Don't take to heart their view Fabulous bods are found only in books There is only one voice That you should listen to It will help make the right choice That is perfect just for you Your looks are your own Someone will always love you You will never be alone Look in the mirror and you'll see who You can always choose. Choose the dark colors.. or the BRIGHT ones =)

There Is Nothing More To Say

.. I've got no probs =)

Well.. maybe at least not now.

I think..

Hope 'probs' ain't coming anytime soon..

I'm really enjoying this break from stress and failures =3

And I really wish it can stay like this forever but..

I know it really ever can't..

'Loving the way you turn your back at me,

it makes me feel sick yet satisfied,

that you are not more than an illusion to me'

--from Rachox

Weird Feeling..

... No.

no no no no no!!!

xD Just throw this weird feeling away..

I cannot believe how totally naive and gullible I am!!

I mean.. how easy it is to fall in 'love' and get your heart crushed in the end..?

Like, TOTALLY EASY!!

But to get rid of that feeling later? Now THATs hard

But in my case, its actually much easier to fall in 'love'..

(yes I put those thingies up there because i don't really know what love is.. )

Because I've been ignored (by boys .. well AND girls) quite a lot my whole life

And now that things are turning up-side,

I'm actually feeling very .. happy.. =)

Although I'm not sure.. if.. 2Arif.. has.. forgiven my major slip-up yet...

But still..

I think..........

gawd.

I really don't want this.

i don't want to fall for anyone.

Not now...

I hope its not too late to turn back..

Thanks a Lot

No, I'm not being sarcastic.

I'm meaning this.. thank you very much

from the bottom of my heart.

I truly am grateful that you gave me this experience of a lifetime

I will never forget.

I will never forget how you shown me love and kindness like no other

I will never forget how much you cared even when you had your fair share of problems.

I'm not afraid of you.

I don't hate you.. guys.

The people I want to be.

The happy cheery and loud people.

I'm just jealous.

It brought me to who-knows-where-I-am now.

I like you.

I do.

I just can't find it in my heart to open my heart again.

I'm gonna try..

whatever it takes.

I don't mind being shamed anymore.

I don't want to be Miss Unfair and Alone anymore

I want to stop this nonsense.

I have to change.

I've been told too many times already.

And all the times I've been told and ignored.

I will double that time of trying and actually doing something

To 2 Arif peeps:

I'm sorry I'm such a bitch.

for writing your names down..

for handing them to Mr.Robert.

I'm sorry that you don't like the way I'm doing that..

Actually I was at a period of time where

i was really emotionally broken down

I was so pissed

I felt like crying and screaming and letting out my piss all at the same time.

I was taking out my anger at you guys

I hope you understand..

I know I was wrong

I'm sorry.

i'm sorry.

i'm sorry.

I promise I will make it up to you guys.

I promise I won't simply write down your names anymore.

but you do have to understand, its my job.

I won't do much more than that.

I want to know that even though i've become a bitch and that some of u dislike me already,

i'm gonna change.

I'm gonna pay for what i did two times over.

i'm gonna help you guys.

just ask me for anything.. I'll be glad to help.

Megan.. or Sonia.. or whoever that's reading this, please spread it

I want you guys (2Arif peeps) to know that i love you.. not in a gay way,

just.. me-loving-my classmates way.

And i'm really sorry for being such a bitch.

I'm gonna be contented with what i have.

I'm gonna change.

And this time, if i fall and break and shatter and suffocate,

i know I have my friends and everyone else to back me up.

2Arif I'm really sorry.. i hope u can forgive me for insulting you guys..

Sorry..

I'm actually sick in a sense that I'm coughing..

and that I'm lost and confused..

and that my I feel so weak.. like I've lost all my energy.

And I hate to admit it but..

I feel lonely.

Even though you guys are around,

even though I laugh or smile or try to be happy,

I'm lonely.

I don't know why...

And I think.. I feel...

that other people don't want me around.

(not you guys, just.. some bitches and .. some other guys..)

I feel like no matter how hard I try to be a friend,

it never works.

Instead of giving them the idea that I want to be their friend,

I end up giving them the idea that I'm annoying.

And, yes, I don't know why.

So am I supposed to suck like this for the rest of my life?

Its gone so long already...

REALLY REALLY long..

And I don't know why you call yourselves Christians..

and you're not helping me at all.

You guys are so not showing kindness at all.

You're thinking I'm just an annoying girl that does not deserve my attention

unless I need her to like.. borrow book right?

Or change the speed of the fan?(ex.)

I know it!!

Don't you dare deny it!

That's what your eyes tell me..

heck, its what you DO!

If you're Christians.. you're not supposed to hurt people this way!

You're not supposed to back stab people.

You're not supposed to cast people you do not favor to a corner

You're not supposed to BE THIS WAY!!

I don't even know what Christians are anymore you know that?!

You guys are corrupted evil minded freaks!

And someday, you're gonna pay the price for disgracing His name..

God is a fair God.

... And i'm sorry for yelling and screaming and venting..

I'm sorry for emo-ing..

I'm sorry for jerking you guys off..

I'm sorry for crying..

I'm sorry for being annoying.

I'm sorry for being a nobody to you.

I'm sorry for being so sensitive

I'm sorry for being so emotional.

I'm sorry for being a jerk.

I'm sorry for my jealousy towards you

I'm sorry for my anger

I'm sorry for what I've done in the past.

I'm sorry for being a nerd.

I'm sorry for being so overprotective.

I'm sorry that I hurt myself.

I'm sorry for putting the blame on you.

I'm sorry for putting on a disguise.. a show.

I'm sorry for making you feel sad.

I'm sorry for being wrong.

I'm sorry for stirring up unneeded problems.

I'm sorry for making such mistakes.

I'm sorry that I can't tell you face-to-face

I'm sorry that my life is so horrible.

I'm so sorry for putting an extra burden on you

I'm so sorry for cursing you at night before I sleep

I'm sorry for not listening to your advice,

I'm sorry because I felt like I'd wanted to murder you

I'm sorry for being so selfish

I'm sorry for being ugly.

I'm sorry for being so long-winded

I'm sorry for over reacting

I'm sorry that I brought you down.

I'm sorry that I made myself become like this.

I'm sorry that I've never succeeded in anything I try,

I'm sorry that I looked down on you..

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..

The World Is Unfair.. Too Unfair..

Okay.

Just for this moment.

I'm not gonna listen to what anybody tells me.

And talk/type my heart out.

Sometimes I can't help but wonder (really i can't help it)

I'm a girl that doesn't randomize, doesn't joke smoothly and doesn't stand out.

Then i look at all the other people who can and are always ... happy and satisfied.

That, in case any of you didn't know, was my dream ever since I was seven.

I wanted to be happy and satisfied.

To laugh like there isn't a care in the world.

To smile a true smile.. not faked.

But.. none of that happened for SEVEN whole years

no matter how hard i tried..

no matter how much time i was given..

my confidence and strength got crushed and trampled on over and over again

until I feel weak.. and I feel.. lost...

people tell me i can still try

people tell me i have what it takes for that dream to be realized.

but, they have no idea how many times i've tried

and failed.. so many times over.

And now I'm like.. nothing..

scarred..

and they tell me that that can heal.

I mean I know it can but..

before that can happen, I must have confidence first right?

But i don't have it anymore

I'm.. okay, admit, negative.. and broken.

I used to be the total opposite.

Bright, proud, happy, satisfied, cheerful.. positive.. CONFIDENT.

now look at me, what I've become.

I'm nothing but a girl who is not alone

but who doesn't know how to heal herself even with help.

Who's dumbified..

I've spent too long with this one dream..

Too long holding on to this eternally unreachable dream.

I can't be that person i dream about.

Even if a wishing star were to appear.

THERE IS JUST NO WAY.

I realised that.

i'm just this weak person.

i was just acting strong in the past.

That was probably why i was so stupid and.. crude last time.

I'm gonna be this person-- the current me-- for my entire life.

And I'm gonna have to stick with this..

whether i like it or not.

Whether I hurt or not..

That is why, qian and christine..

I cried today.

i couldn't speak and put it in words that'll come out from my mouth

but at least by this, you'll understand.

You guys deserve to know

As my buddies =)

I hurt.. because when I think about this,

and I hear the noise in the class, (the noise meaning people happily chatting)

I realize how my dream is never ever to be realized.

And just so ya'll know,

noise in class isn't just gonna break the teacher's heart,

it has other hidden consequences too...

like breaking MY heart.

Always knowing

somewhere deep inside,

that it was never going to happen.

Nothing's Impossible

Sometimes you want to free yourself from your own problems,

You're so caught up in your own web,

you can't see the other webs around you..

the one your friends are in.

yes. I'm talking to you. Whoever u r thats reading this.

This is not directed to only one person.

Its to everybody,

including MYSELF.

I know we're just humans and we're not perfect.

We can't try to solve our own probs and help other people at the same time

But ..

You know

Nothing's impossible.

I believe in that.

All you need is not faith, trust and pixie dust.

All you need is faith in God.

And also your hard work. Without wither, nothing will work out the way you want it to.

And sometimes you get so mad at yourself because

you get mad at your friends

sometimes for things they do that u know you can forgive

and sometimes for things they didn't do at all...

isn't that just frustrating?

And you know you want to forgive them,

but you just can't.

Why is that?

.. Do what you need to do.

Do you what you must do.

Even if it seems impossible.

Even if you might lose everything.

have the courage to gain everything back if you ever fall.

Trust in yourself and your belief.

And you'll succeed

and embrace that dream..

you've always dreamed of.

Sometimes I feel Like You Really Just Don't Care At All...

I know you care about me..

I know u wanna cheer me up when I'm down..

I know you really do like me as a close friend.

But when I look at you sometimes,

I get this awkward irritable feeling that..

You really just don't care.

You just need a shoulder to lean on.

You won't talk, won't care..

But I KNOW you do, see?

Its like taboo.

I hate that I feel this way.

I mean, why can't I just lay low and lead a quiet and peaceful teenage life?

This is so effin' troublesome...!

its like one thing comes after the other

and I have like, no rest.. at all!!!

Damn it!

I love you, I really do...

But I tried and tried and tried and tried and TRIED to leave you alone!

I tried SO many times thinking that I could just forget about you

and have a fun life by myself without you having to butt into anything!!

I feel like a mess!

A big pile of mess!!

like shit, fertilizer, faeces whatever you call it!

I'm so stupid..

I knew I couldn't do that, yet I stupidly and stubbornly tried

....

Once I knew you,

Twice, I knew YOU

Trice, I knew the REAL you.

It Comes, Just Like That

I hate it when this happens!

When everything just don't come together!!

When I'm tired mad, confused, sick(as in, seriously sick) and mad!!

And I have to-- have to--.. homework!! ARGH!!

And I can't even talk to my big bro!

And why am I mad you ask?

Because everybody is such a drag queen!

And so am I!

Let's face it!

I'm a jerk!

A two-faced loser!

I refuse to see the good side of things!

And I accept the bad!

WHY??!

Even I don't understand!

I can't figure it out!

I get mad at stupid things! ( i know, sue me for all i care)

And I get mad at my friends because THEY are mad sometimes (how stupid is that?!)

I'm just so sick and tired of me!

i'm throwing me away!

I just so wish I can do it straight away!

But life is not that easy isn't it??!

It takes such an effin' long time.

And now other people are like..--

OH!

Point is!

I just-- i'm mad okay?!

I'm gonna be fine tomorrow

I'm.. gonna... be fine...