Being Alone..

Its really not easy. But I feel better when I'm alone. I feel more at peace than when I'm with anyone else. Thing is.. I still care of what others think about me. I know that's wrong, but.. I'm admitting it. And I know that's at least a good point in this whole thing.

I hate it when I can't even believe in myself... When I always depend on someone else just to survive, just not to cry. I feel so stupid and weak. I want to be strong, brave and independent. But that just never happens. Even when I especially want it to..

I.. I dunno. I don't wanna feel like this. But I can't stop it. I'm depressed, I'm sad, I'm pissed, I'm mad, I'm irritated.. what else? , I'm shitty.. all because of ME. Myself...

I've felt this way before. I don't want to. This is a symptom of something tragic that's gonna happen. I just know it... But I don't want something bad to happen! I have enough.. I've had enough..

I've got no one true to me. No one to support me at the worst adversary. Yes, I might have friends.. many. But I know none of them would back me up when the time comes. And, yeah, I've been in a troublesome trouble before.. but they run away. leaving me behind.

Absolutely NONE of them would help. I don't know if I have any true friends at all. I feel so heartbroken.. Haiz.. I don't want to talk anymore.

Sight to see you,

Touch to feel you,

Smell to breathe your scent,

Taste to bring your colors to life,

and hearing to hear your sweet melodious voice.